


What Could've Been

by siwontsumi (tsumtsumii)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Break Up, Canon Compliant, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Not Beta Read, Sexual Content, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:40:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28672398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsumtsumii/pseuds/siwontsumi
Summary: "Long distance is so hard, Miya."Miya."It's tiring to wake up too early in the morning, or staying up too late just to be with you."Atsumu hums softly. "So… what now?"
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 74





	What Could've Been

**Author's Note:**

> ahaha i love hurting atsumu
> 
> and don't ya really love it when a fic is inspired by *drum rolls*
> 
> ✨ personal experience ✨
> 
> anyway hi tw // implied cheating
> 
> also there's a smol sexy scene but it's not too explicit lol

It started with a small promise of a future where the goddess of love finally smiled at the one and only Miya Atsumu.

"When I see you again, I'll greet you with a hug" Sakusa says through the phone, mysophobia long calmed down after years of exposure therapy. This made Atsumu smile, deep blushes forming on his freckled cheeks as he fantasizes of the day they meet again, running into his beloved's arms and finally be with him.

See, Atsumu had an offer to be an import for an American volleyball team for a year, and with the appealing salary, and chance to further prove to the world that he is indeed an amazing setter, he agreed. Osamu wasn't too happy with the decision, but he was proud nevertheless, cheering Atsumu on from halfway across the world. It was a great choice, a temporary leave from the Jackals resulting to more experience from a foreign professional team. It was take it or leave it, so Atsumu took.

It was around four months into the contract that he and Sakusa started, well, "dating", after Atsumu confessed a mere two weeks earlier through a chat. They weren't exactly labeled to something more than "mutual". There's a difference. Sakusa had wanted to be sure and become Atsumu's when he finally steps in their homeland again, when they can seriously date, and not just call each other when it's morning for Sakusa and nighttime for Atsumu. So no, they weren't boyfriends. They were simply two guys who know that they have feelings for each other.

For Atsumu, it was real. His feelings were rooted too deep in his heart, growing and growing each day. The two men had a pretty wild history of rivalry, throwing playful yet irritating jabs that resulted to endless bickering, and sometimes, a full blown arguement. Atsumu doesn't remember when he started falling. Maybe it was when it was Sakusa chose to trust him with his inner demons, maybe it was when the spiker showed up for the first time in years, playing for the Jackals. Maybe it goes way back when he and Sakusa were fresh into highschool and spent the whole training camp arguing over who gets the bed near the window. Atsumu doesn't know when it started, but he definitely knows his feelings aren't mere crush, or attraction.

"I love you" he says, then, "Good night. Good luck in training"

Sakusa responds with a low hum, "Sleep well, love you. Text me when you wake up."

There wasn't any label.

But labels aren't needed when love is real.

  
  
  
  
  


"When we meet again, will you kiss my forehead?" Atsumu asks, hands busy chopping some onions- his phone resting beside the chopping board idly. He waits for Sakusa answer, hearing shuffling from the other side.

"Of course." he hears. "I'll give you as many kisses as you want" Sakusa says the words so sweetly it makes Atsumu giggle. Love is so, so beautiful.

"You're making me blush, stop it" the blonde teases. Of course he didn't mean it, if he could he would want Sakusa to vocalize his love for him all day. It never gets old, even one month into their relationship. He loves Sakusa just like how he loved him yesterday, and the day before, and the years prior— unfading, never ending love. He giggles again when he hears his (unlabeled) lover tell him about how he would run his fingers through his hair, whispering sweet nothings until they fall asleep together on the same bed.

_ One day.  _ Sakusa promises. One day, they'll be able to be in each other's company again.

Atsumu longs for that day.

  
  
  
  
  


When the city finally slept, and darkness covered his room, he would sometimes call Sakusa, for purposes that should definitely not come to light.

It started when they were three months into their relationship, when Sakusa offered to do some "services" for Atsumu.

They started sexting, a few days later they switched to video calling each other, faces flushed and dicks hard and leaking. They would show everything to each other, touching themselves as if they were touching the other. 

Atsumu moaned softly as he palmed his shaft, increasing his pace ever so slightly, until he hears Sakusa's low groan, one that signals that he's about to come. "Kiyoomi" Atsumu breathlessly moans.

"I love you W- Atsumu"

  
  
  
  
  


Six months into the relationship, and Sakusa was dead silent. Their everyday calls turned into a mere twice per week. It wasn't their fault, though, they are two busy adults that obviously have jobs and with the peak of the season starting, the days they were free have become less.

However, Atsumu knew he still loves Sakusa, and Sakusa loves him. Only a few months to go before they're together again. Atsumu sighs dreamily as he places their photo on his bedside drawer. He longs for home, and misses it dearly. 

That night, he prays to whatever god was up there that the days would go by a little faster.

Sakusa doesn't call or text in two weeks.

  
  
  
  
  


"I started talking to Wakatoshi-kun again." Sakusa says, quiet. Things between him and Ushijima was complicated, as Atsumu remembers. The two were in love, and became lovers in highschool, until Ushijima's mother found out and disapproved of Sakusa (She seemed to like Tendou better), eventually resulting to a break up to which Sakusa was broken hearted years for. It was Atsumu who kept him grounded on his dark days, so naturally, Atsumu was happy to hear good news. A proper closure was important.

It didn't erase the small twinge in his chest though.

"I missed him Atsumu"

_ I miss you too. _

"He seems well now though, I'm happy he reached out. We talk almost everyday"

Atsumu hums half heartedly. He briefly wonders why Sakusa can talk to Ushijima everyday, but he barely calls him nowadays.  _ It's just catching up.  _ He thinks, silently assuring himself.

He couldn't sleep that night.

  
  
  
  
  


Atsumu was rather unfortunate when it comes to love. He falls too easily, loves to easily, and on top of that, his heart always manages to yearn for people out of his league. Kita didn't feel the same, Suna clearly had a thing for his brother, and Hinata was taken by Kageyama. If he were to be honest, he doesn't know how he won Sakusa's heart, but he's happy that way.

_ Unlabeled. _

_ Far away. _

_ Do you think he's falling out? _

He shook his head. They were together for seven months now, it's too late to back out now.

Well, that's what Atsumu felt.

  
  
  
  
  


Sakusa calls again after three weeks on their eighth month.

"Let's not do this. I don't think we're meant for each other." he says, the moment Atsumu answers his phone.

_ Can I at least know why? _

_ Was it something I did? _

Atsumu stays silent.

"Long distance is so hard, Miya."  _ Miya. _ "It's tiring to wake up too early in the morning, or staying up too late just to be with you."

Atsumu hums softly. "So… what now?"

"Look, we don't have a  _ label _ anyway… My doors are always open for you Miya, but maybe it's not the right time."

_ It hurts, it hurts it hurts- _

"I'm sorry"

_ What about all the promises you made me? _

_ What about us? Weren't we enough? Was I enough for you?  _

_ Was being with me… really that hard? _

"Okay." Atsumu whispers. "Thank you for everything, Sakusa-kun."

He hears a hum from the other side. "Goodbye, see you again in a few months."

"Goodbye."

He hears shuffling in the background, with what seemed like a relieved sigh, and a faint "Kiyoomi".

Ah… 

Now he knows why.

Atsumu sadly smiles, tears flowing down his cheeks, never ending, just like how he loves Sakusa.

"I'm not really worth it" he realizes. "I'm not enough."

Tonight, he decides to dwell in the "what-could've-been"s.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry not sorry atsumu
> 
> anyways, sorry im not really good at writing but i try bdbdbd and its 1 am i needed to throw my buried feelings somewhere (/hj)
> 
> im active in twitter, and a yell abt skts and atsuffer 25/8
> 
> btw, i draw 👀: @ymin_ii


End file.
